


The Horrible Goose Goes to Ishval

by Griselda_Gimpel



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement, Alternate Universe - Untitled Goose Game Fusion, Canon Compliant, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Genocide, Ishbal | Ishval, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Canon, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 11:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21298775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griselda_Gimpel/pseuds/Griselda_Gimpel
Summary: Fullmetal Alchemist Summary: While Scar and Miles work to restore Ishval, they encounter an unexpected obstacle -- but perhaps it's for the best.Untitled Goose Game Summary: The Horrible Goose has got a new locale and a new set of objectives.
Relationships: Miles/Scar (Fullmetal Alchemist)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 44





	The Horrible Goose Goes to Ishval

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mistress_of_shadows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistress_of_shadows/gifts).

> Dedicated to mistress_of_shadows for all her work creating content for the Miles/Scar tag.

Neither Scar nor Miles ever expected Ishval to be granted independence, and they had 2nd Lieutenant Rebecca Catalina to thank when it was. She was the one who brought sexual harassment accusations against Führer President Grumman. Then, he might have beaten the impeachment charges, but, while attempting to unwind from the stress of being impeached, Grumman accidentally butt-dialed a reporter on the presidential rotary phone. The overheard – and dutifully reported – conversation involved Grumman, one of Madam Christmas’s girl, a kilo of the finest snow, and 346 unripe bananas. Grumman resigned, and Roy Mustang assumed office at the ripe old age of 32. Desperate to change the talk of the country, Mustang approached Scar and Miles with a plan to sell the public on Ishval’s independence – something Grumman had been dead set against. It took a lot of orating, but within a year, the timetable had been set to great cheer.

While there was still more rebuilding that needed to be done with Ishval – and would for some time – there were others who had taken over those tasks, leaving Scar and Miles to focus on preparing the region for independence. This was making them both uncomfortable. It wasn’t that they didn’t like each other. In fact, they had the exact opposite problem.

“Miles calls me his red-eyed brother,” Scar thought to himself, “He thinks of me as a soldier-in-arms. I would love to spend the rest of my life with him, but if I asked so much as to kiss him, he would reject me. I will say nothing so that I do not ruin the fraternal relationship we have.”

“Scar calls me his red-eyed brother,” Miles thought to himself, “He has told me how he lost his older brother in the Extermination Campaign. I am helping to fill that hole in his life. I would love to spend the rest of my life with him, but if I asked so much as to kiss him, he would reject me. I will say nothing so that I do not ruin the fraternal relationship that we have.”

They were in the mostly empty Parliament Building that had been constructed. What would eventually be the Prime Minister’s office was upstairs. They were downstairs, in what would eventually be a conference room. It didn’t have a table yet, just a crate. On the crate was a map showing what Ishval’s new borders would be. Above the crate, between them, was a great deal of tension.

“Miles…” said Scar and then lost his words.

“Scar…” said Miles and then lost his words.

“Honk!” said the goose and then stole the map.

Scar and Miles looked at each other and then at the empty crate where the map no longer lay. Then they looked over to the door, which the goose was exiting at top speeds.

“That was a goose,” Miles said.

“There are no geese in Ishval,” Scar said.

“That goose just stole our map!” Miles said, coming to his senses. “We need to get it back.”

“After the goose!” agreed Scar.

The goose might have outrun them, but it missed a doorway entrance, banging into the wall instead. This resulted in it dropping the map. Scar snatched it back, and Miles shooed the goose outside. Scar and Miles returned to their respective duties.

The goose did not stay away for long. A bit later, Scar was putting the finishing touches on Ishval’s new flag. Scar had not sewn in a long time, but he was proud of his work. It was now the first flag of newly independent Ishval to exist, and it would fly proudly above the Parliament Building. Scar turned to put the needle and thread away, and when he looked back to the low table he had been sewing at, the flag was gone. Scar looked left and right and saw nothing. Then he looked down and saw the goose waddling away, the flag trailing behind it.

Scar dashed after the goose. The foul fowl gave him a good chase. Scar caught up to it in the end when it ran into a room that Miles was in. The goose attempted to turn around to run the other way, which is when Scar took the flag back. Miles shooed the goose out of the room.

“Oh, you finished the flag,” Miles remarked.

Scar carefully unfurled the flag and held it out for Miles to see. “Do you like it?”

“Oh, Scar, it’s beautiful, just like, erm…” Miles did not finish his sentence.

“Just like what?” Scar asked.

“Nothing,” Miles said hastily, his ears going hot.

“Honk,” remarked the goose from just outside the doorway.

“Shoo,” Miles told it. He stormed over to it and ushered it out of the Parliament Building.

Miles would have sworn that he locked the door after tossing the goose outside, but the blasted bird returned not long after, when Miles was putting the finishing touches on Ishval’s new Constitution. Miles had been tasked with writing it up from the notes that had come out of hours of committee discussion. His work completed, he turned to put the pen and inkwell away, and when he looked back, the Constitution was gone.

“Honk,” the culprit said. It ran a bit of a ways away and then fluttered its wings at Miles.

“You give that back,” Miles ordered.

“Honk,” the goose said, leading him into another room.

After the goose led him into a third room, Miles paused. The goose was behaving differently this time. It wanted him to follow it, which made Miles suspect a trap.

Then Miles remembered that he was dealing with an animal with animal intelligence. He strode toward the goose. The goose entered another room, and when Miles followed, he found himself in the same room as Scar. The goose dropped the Constitution, and Scar bent down and picked it back up.

“What do you think?” Miles asked nervously.

Scar’s brow furrowed in concentration as he read through the Constitution. “It’s elegantly written,” Scar praised, “The wording is beautiful, just like, uh…” Scar did not finish his sentence.

“Just like what?” Miles asked.

“Nothing,” Scar said hastily.

“Honk,” protested the goose. “Honk honk honk!”

“Outside with you,” Miles said. Taking the Constitution back from Scar, he chased the goose outside once more. Then Miles and Scar returned to their respective tasks.

They didn’t see the goose for a bit after that, but when Scar did, it was because the goose passed the door to the room he was in, and Scar realized that the goose was carrying one of Ishval’s new bills. An independent country had to have its own currency, after all.

Scar gave chase, and as the goose passed another doorway, Miles joined him.

“It’s robbing us!” Miles panted.

“Why would a goose even need money?” Scar wondered.

The two men stopped short as they came into the next room. The goose had led them into what would eventually be a cafeteria. When they had last seen the room, it had contained only a lone, low table with two chairs; it was where they had been taking their meals. The table had been bare when they’d last seen it.

It wasn’t bare now. There was a bouquet of roses on the table, along with a tin of chocolates and a bottle of wine.

“Did you set this up?” Scar and Miles asked simultaneously.

“No,” they both said.

“Well,” Miles said, laughing nervously, “we should get these things put away.” He picked up the bouquet of roses and started to leave the room, only to find the goose in his way.

“HONK!” screamed the goose, flapping its wings. It darted for him, pushing him back toward Scar. Miles missed his step and stumbled backward. Scar caught him and helped him regain his balance.

“Thanks,” Miles said. He looked from the goose to the bouquet in his hands. “Maybe the goose arranged this,” he joked.

“Are these for me then?” Scar asked, looking at the bouquet of roses.

“If you’d like them,” Miles said. He handed them over, and Scar sniffed them.

“They smell lovely,” Scar said. “Thank you.”

“I liked you,” Miles blurted out. “A lot. And not like you like a brother. I know you probably don’t feel the same way, but I needed to tell you.” He was aware that he was babbling, but he didn’t know how to stop.

“I like you, as well,” Scar told him. “Also not like a brother. I did not think you felt the same way.”

“I didn’t think you felt the same way!” Miles exclaimed.

“Have a chocolate,” Scar said. He picked one up and popped it into Miles’ mouth.

“Delicious,” Miles said. “May I kiss you?”

“You may,” Scar said.

It was a long kiss, and Scar and Miles were deeply absorbed in it. In fact, the kiss went on for so long and took up so much of their attention, that Scar did not notice that the goose took back the money it had stolen, and Miles did not notice that the goose took his gun. Nor did they notice – for they were still passionately kissing one another – when the goose walked down the hall with first the map of Ishval’s new borders, then Ishval’s new flag, and finally Ishval’s new Constitution.

The goose took all these items to the empty Prime Minister’s office and left them on the floor. The goose then considered its mental list. If the goose’s mental list had been written on a piece of paper, it would have said the following:

Establish a Nation-State: Bring flag, map, arms, Constitution, and currency to Prime Minister’s office.

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on the prompt that the goose from the "Alternate Universe - The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement" tag should be the goose from the Untitled Goose Game.


End file.
